In a recent letter to advice columnist R. Eric Thomas, a father expressed feeling ignored by his family since his retirement. The father, an introvert, was very involved when his children were younger, sharing childcare responsibilities with his wife. However, since retiring, he feels sidelined by his extroverted wife who often reaches out to their adult children with little tokens of affection without involving him.
The father is concerned about the lack of response he receives from his children, especially compared to the attention his wife gets when she reaches out. He wonders if he should engage in a “trinket race” with his wife or if he should speak up about feeling left out.
Thomas advises the father to reframe the issue and focus on building deeper relationships with his children in a way that feels authentic to him. He suggests the father consider what kind of connection he truly desires with his children and take steps to initiate it, such as setting up regular one-on-one check-ins or finding unique ways to show he is thinking about them.
Thomas emphasizes the importance of remaining curious about his children and himself, as well as seeking advice from his wife on how to improve their relationships. He reassures the father that building new patterns may take time, but with effort and intention, stronger connections can be established.
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