A woman writes to Annie Lane about her strained relationship with her daughter, who has not spoken to her in almost 20 years. Despite being married for 40 years, the woman feels trapped in the marriage and unable to leave due to financial reasons. Her husband continues to give their shared money to their daughter in hopes of reconciliation, leaving them struggling financially and unable to afford a house.
The woman feels ashamed and isolated, with her husband refusing to discuss the issue of their daughter and shutting her down whenever she brings it up. The situation has caused significant damage to their marriage, leaving the woman struggling with coping and feeling distant from family and friends.
Another reader seeks advice on how to heal from being scapegoated by a narcissistic mother, leading to years of feeling inadequate and rejected. The daughter was excluded from family events and holidays, further deepening the emotional trauma. The reader wonders if going no contact with the mother is necessary for healing and how to fully embrace the freedom that comes with ending a toxic relationship.
Annie Lane recommends seeking support from friends and support groups to grieve the loss of the desired relationship with the mother and focus on emotional well-being. The reader is encouraged to prioritize self-love and healing over material concerns, recognizing that the rejection was about wanting to feel loved by the mother. Lane’s anthology “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is available for more advice and guidance on relationships.
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